what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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