No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
