I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
