i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
