sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
