I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
