Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Text me some of your sweat
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
