She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we're making bets on your personal life
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
