God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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