I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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