maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
