Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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