I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
