I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
