You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Fuck appropriateness.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
