you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize