Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
