im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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