We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize