So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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