I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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