Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
