I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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