Your face is a jimmy john
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize