I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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