just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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