I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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