never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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