No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
