it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The power of my boobs compel you
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
