so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
