please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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