Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
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Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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