I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
