He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
