everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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