Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
