Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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