i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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