I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
