Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
