He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
