yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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