woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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