Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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