I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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