im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
