me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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