Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
