I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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