Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
