..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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