That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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