i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
