so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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