It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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