sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
