Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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