does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
