yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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