i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
