I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
