Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you would pick up someone in the library
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
