SEEEEXXX PLEASE
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
