He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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