They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
