I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
