the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
