Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
