cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
