i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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