just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
