I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
