I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
