I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
