good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
