I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
