u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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