He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Sober January is a disaster.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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